Rants and raves about all the latest in video games and other forms of mindless entertainment.

June 11, 2005

A lesson in vulgarity...

Fanboys: where would we be without fanboys? For starters we would look significantly less intelligent than we actually are. Fanboys are a rare breed of gamers who often ally with one single corporation while remaining oblivious to the fact that the corporation he/she allies with doesn't give half a sh*t so long as you buy something while you're in the store so to speak. I have a message for those people: get off my virtual lawn. The precious and valuable real estate I've erected here is meant for intelligent discussion if one so happens to form in a cluster of comments. There's no merit in feverishly insulting someone who has scribed something you don't harmonize with. If you have a problem with it, address the problems you have. You have the potential to strike up intellectual debate, yet remain closed minded and would instead look like a complete blockhead (meanwhile assuming delegating someone a booger-faggot-sh*tcock "pwns" the person you're referring to or somehow makes them feel bad about themselves). Piece of advice: suicide is your only option. Warp-Pipe dreams though...

The primary upside to arguing with fanboys is that no matter what you say, in almost all circumstances you appear exponentially more intelligent; Albert f*cking Einstein actually. The only problem is, fanboys roam the virtual plains in heards. Distinctly, Nintendo fanboys savagely stampede across them, in pursuit of validation of self by destroying everything in their wake. Yes, Nintendo fanboys are the cause behind everyone's favourite dad's demise...




Enough of that poppycock; I want to bring into question these fanboys who think anonymity gives them a liscence to be retarded. What is the reasoning behind it? Do you receive sexual pleasure from your keyboard if you type nasty, dirty things with it? Do you get satisfaction out of being this? Does your mommy not let you play games with an ESRB rating above "EC"? If you answered yes/no/I hate you, to any of these questions, you are a Nintendo fanboy. Caveat: that is not to say Sony and Microsoft fanboys are precious and delightful angels. Rather, they take to task anyone who questions the sales of Grand Theft Auto or Halo 2. To no demerit of those titles, as they possess high sell through rates for a reason, but Sony and Microsoft fanboys do it with an awkward and annoying finesse.

In a non aggressive way, Sony and Microsft fanboys are the cute widdle puppy wuppies of the gaming community: they shit on your lawn, and brandish the puppy dog eyes when you scold them on it - how can you resist - allowing them to escape unscathed. Nintendo fanboys on the other hand (for no other reason than that they are almost 95% composed of teenage/pre-pubescent angsters) are like pitbulls. They shit on your lawn, then on your wife, your cat, your Playstation 2 and Xbox, then proceed to shit on you when gab at them for deficating so barbarically. You can collect the shit they spew and toss it back at them, but they digest it and redeficate it moments later only to rehash and reshit it on you again and again. Not that it's hard to defend against, as doo doo is rather soft and mushy and harmless in almost every way, but it gets annoying when there's a lot of it. Wading through the shit becomes tiresome and spends all your energy reserves; Nintendo fanboys manage to somehow defeat you even though every ounce of shit they spewed was worthless and off-topic. Wait, am I off topic? No, that seems right.

Message to Nintendo fanboys: You are not clever. You are not smart. You have not completed the 6th grade. You do not have hair on your balls, nor have you developed anything resembling a stacked rack. You were never useful, and you still aren't. Your existence is not only a nuisance, your collective lack of intelligence is single handedly holding the industry back by supporting Nintendo's clearly flawed and backwards thinking. Validating your existence as a gamer by insulting others and accusing them of being ignorant/single is not clever/witty/funny. You are not cool/awesome/pwninator/respected. We all have a little fanboy is us, but the Nintendo brand has spawned pure and hateful fanboys that are like the plague. All we have to do is wait for the source of the disease to die, and the bacteria will follow suit. Perhaps Nintendo's new moves next generation will breed a new intelligent life form of Nintendo fanboy, but as of now I'd like nothing more than for every child that still "allies" with Nintendo to closet themselves from the world. Divine intervention couldn't even save your souls now.

60 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love Nintendo, and I love thier games. I may not agree with your reviews, but some of the people wrote disgusting comments(especially about your Paper Mario review) and overall they took it way too far.
I hate all fanboys, but nothing you or me can do will stop them.

From my experience, this is what fanboys do:
Microsoft---generally idiots who cannot come up with any support as to why Xbox is so much better.

Sony---IMHO, the most annoying. They are the ones that call Nintendo "kiddy" without justifying thier claims and never listen to common sense. They also run amok with every argument against Nintendo you can think of.

Nintendo---Usually calm, but once you insult a Nintendo game(or Nintendo in general) you are going to be flamed out the wazoo.


This is all with my personal experience and opinion, which most likely differ from yours.

June 11, 2005 7:18 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Not all nintendo fans are complete asses, heck some of them may have even reached puberty. I know this may shock you but I am seventeen and I prefer nintendo over sony and microsoft, that doesn't mean I am an ignorant ass who cant see the facts that nintendo has made some mistakes. I respect the other companies and the systems that they have produced, but I just prefer nintendo. Despite there mistakes, I am still confident in them and hope that they can rectify there problems for the upcoming generation of consoles.

June 11, 2005 8:13 PM

 
Blogger Adam said...

I think the thing you misinterpreted was that definition of a fanboy would require an alliance. This bond would need to be strong, hence the terminology. From the sounds of it, you openly respect the many environments of gaming offered, and to me that is far from a fanboy. I'm not quite sure you're under the assumption that I was calling everyone who even remotely liked Nintendo was a fanboy, but that would be inaccurate. I love Nintendo too. I do not agree with a lot of what they do, but when they hit gold, they hit the jackpot. Unfortunately, many young, unconfident Nintendo gamers would relish life if their consumer choice reflected perfection (tis the way of the teenage ego), and often times pretend that is indeed true when we well know that it is not.

I should mention that it's actually pleasant to read comments that aren't complete manical bull sh*t. So I thank you for that.

June 11, 2005 9:38 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Toilet Pain

A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes later, a loud, blood curdling scream is heard from the bathroom. A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar.

The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate why the drunk is screaming. "What's all the screaming about in there? You're scaring the customers!"

"I'm just sitting here on the toilet and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my testicles."

With that, the bartender opens the door, looks in and says..."You idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!"

June 11, 2005 11:41 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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June 11, 2005 11:42 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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June 11, 2005 11:43 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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June 11, 2005 11:43 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

June 11, 2005 11:44 PM

 
Blogger Adam said...

And there you have it...the fuckwad theory proven 5 times over.

Albert-f*cking-Einstein

June 12, 2005 4:13 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have a question. Why did you censor that word the SECOND time you typed it, but not the first time?

June 12, 2005 12:45 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Validating your existence as a gamer by insulting others and accusing them of being ignorant/single is not clever/witty/funny.



You said:


I'm sorry you lack the intelligence and understanding of a human being.



Oh.

June 12, 2005 12:54 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think you went too far to say that Nintendo fanboys killed Mufasa...

June 12, 2005 2:05 PM

 
Blogger Joseph Valencia said...

Before you tell Nintendo fanboys to get off your "virtual lawn," you better make sure you don't intrude on other people's lawns as well.

For starters, I don't like being called "baby." I am not your fucking lover, turd. Second, YOU acknowledged that the industry is full of "trash talkers." I guess you're okay with that as long as the trash talking isn't brought to your webspace. Thirdly, you are a fucking Sony fanboy. Who else would give FFX a 9.6 out of 10, MGS3 a PERFECT 10, and DMC3 a 9.7? Who else would give Paper Mario a score so small that you need a fucking microscope to read it?

GTFO my internet.

June 12, 2005 2:18 PM

 
Blogger Adam said...

To begin with, you don't have an understanding of the industry and it's trash talkers if you'll single out Kutaragi and no one else. That was my primary gripe with your article. Now responding the way you did, can you confidently say you're not a baby?

In case you haven't been paying attention, trash talking has crept it's way onto my lawn, and frankly I don't mind it. It's the ventilation of the human ego, and I will do such things as well from time to time. However when what you're saying has no bearing, no direction, or no point, then it moves past trash talking to become non-sense.

I tend to find many things ironic, but your comment truly takes the cake here. You ask not to be called a baby, then promptly accuse me of fanboyism, attack the scores of the reviews I've written (not the actual review), and then tell me to get the f*ck "off your internet" .

Childish? Without question. To elaborate, can I safely assume since you fit two of the three critieria I presented in this article for being a Nintendo fanboy, that you are indeed an element of these demonic heards? I will assume so, since you managed to accomplish nothing else in your quaint backlash.

June 12, 2005 2:49 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yep. You're allowed to say whatever you want, but we aren't allowed to call your opinions absolute BS?

June 12, 2005 5:42 PM

 
Blogger Adam said...

Not unless you can actually counter them. Speaking ill with proof is journalism, while randomly calling something "shit" just because you don't see eye to eye with it is slander.

June 12, 2005 10:06 PM

 
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Anonymous Mega Phoenix said...

This article ruled and its nice to see someone speak the truth.

i hate ignorance, i hate retards, i hate fags that love a game more because it looks gay and has cartoony graphics than a game that looks more mature and is actually realistic, i hate pathetic pieces of fucking shit and i hate little kids who think they are smart.

so yes, i hate nintendo fanboys and i can not wait for the revolution to fail. i would be beyond happy to see all these faggots (i mean nintendo fanboys) start crying and getting a hug from their mommies cos they cant accept that nintendo are not "the best" :D

good stuff adam, i hope you write more articles soon about how funny these pathetic nintendo fanboy faggots are and keep up the good work :)

June 13, 2005 4:40 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Funny how ignorant people can be, you say that you hate fanboys, yet you blatantly prove yourself to be a Sony fanboy by bashing Nintendo at every chance. I like The Wind Waker. By your logic, I like it because it looks gay and not realistic. But in reality, I like it because it is a good game. The idiots are the ones who refuse to play a good game like TWW because it looks gay.

People need to be more open-minded these days. I have a Gamecube and a PS2. I will get a Revolution. If by a miracle PS3 costs less than $300 I might save up for it.

Adam, instead of writing more on Nintendo fanboys, write something on other fanboys.

And Mega Phoenix, learn some grammar for Christ's sake.

June 13, 2005 10:03 AM

 
Anonymous Mega Phoenix said...

"in reality, I like it because it is a good game. The idiots are the ones who refuse to play a good game like TWW because it looks gay."

no shit. when i seen you said you like wind waker, the first thing i thought was "hey he thought it was good then". and i did play it, and i didnt find it a good game and the graphics didnt affect my dislike of the gameplay, but it did make me laugh at the game after i played it and realised how much i didnt like it.

and yes, grow up kid. just because someone thinks nintendo is gay and kiddy, it doesnt make them a "sony fanboy". so get a life, grow up and stop giving a shit about peoples grammar (or if it bothers you that much, then go kill yourself, because normal people can read, with or without perfect grammar).

June 13, 2005 12:38 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Funny how when someone doesn't have a valid argument they play the "I have a life" card. If you say you didn't like TWW, then fine, I respect opinions. But to go and say that Nintendo is gay without backing it up is pure faboyism. And if you indeed have a life and are so mature, why don't you go do somethig other than bash people's opinions on the internet.

June 13, 2005 12:50 PM

 
Anonymous Mega Phoenix said...

"But to go and say that Nintendo is gay without backing it up is pure faboyism."

ahh...that statement just sounds odd. but saying "they make more kiddy games than normal realistic/mature games" is good enough.

and who said anything about "having a life"? i didnt. and i like to laugh a lot, that is why i insult nintendo. because i know there are retarded little kids (and even more scary, people over 18) that worship nintendo and secretly want to lick shiggy and reggies balls.

by knowing that, i also know that they cry and bitch when people do not agree with their opinon. but lucky for me, my opinon is always right :) and that's why this blog kicks ass.

its run by a guy who isnt afraid to show his opinons and he must also like to laugh at the faggots that cry when people "dishonor their god".

June 13, 2005 1:13 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You were insinuating that you had a life when you said that I don't.

And let me fill you in on a little secret: No one will take you seriously on the internet unless you learn some grammar.

Good-bye, and have a nice life.

June 13, 2005 1:35 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your immaturity amazes me, Mega Phoenix.

June 13, 2005 1:55 PM

 
Blogger Adam said...

I would write more on the Sony and Microsoft fanboys, however the passion would be absent since I've not had many run-ins with them. I'm sure I will eventually find the words and place them on this neo-parchment known as the "internet" (which I'm supposed to be "getting off of" according to Mr. Joseph).

June 13, 2005 4:14 PM

 
Anonymous Mega Phoenix said...

"And let me fill you in on a little secret: No one will take you seriously on the internet unless you learn some grammar."

You wrote "goodbye" as "good-bye", so i can't take you seriously.

-_- jesus christ. If you can't take someone seriously because they are too lazy to make sure they have perfect grammar, then your either a smart ass english teacher or a whiny faggot.

and as adam just said, the "other" fanboys are way less common. sure i will here "teh sony has a halo killa" or "teh xbox360 pwns ps3 in grafix".....but its a lot less spoken and its a lot less...retarded.

but if you say one bad thing about nintendo, you then have heaps of the whiny kids crying that you "opinon" on the subject is wrong. funny stuff.

June 14, 2005 12:31 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You wrote "goodbye" as "good-bye", so i can't take you seriously.


There is a difference between one word and the whole damn post.
You cannot deny that people will not take you very seriously on the internet with bad grammar. GameFAQs doesn't count as it is filled with idiots. But any respectable website will not take you seriously unless you fix that grammar.

June 14, 2005 9:50 AM

 
Blogger Adam said...

"But any respectable website will not take you seriously unless you fix that grammar."

Oh the irony.

June 14, 2005 10:19 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh, im fanboy because Paper Mario 2s good??!!! U just hate Nintendo and aren't mature probably.

that makes YOU kiddy.

July 14, 2005 6:32 AM

 
Blogger Kyle said...

I liX Paper Mario 2.

July 14, 2005 7:40 AM

 
Blogger anonymous said...

I love how this is coming from someone who said "Fuck you," in several of his articles.

Adam can give it, but he can't take it.

October 01, 2005 12:33 AM

 

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