Rants and raves about all the latest in video games and other forms of mindless entertainment.

June 07, 2005

Review: Paper Mario The Thousand Year Door (GC)




Nintendo is no longer a game developer worth noting. Their games are created with minimum budget in mind, and maximizing quality as an afterthought. So long as they make a game, they're happy. Well I'm not. When I play RPGs, I want something worth the 30+ hour investment. Degenerate rehashing for 10 year olds is not what I call a game for "Everyone". While Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door sports an "E" rating, there is no question that the appropriate rating should have been "EC". The only age group this game appeals to is the unintelligent and simple minded children. The game offers almost nothing in terms of strategy, plot or character development, and the visual appeal is quirky, yet lazily accomplished in a rather painfully obvious fashion. While I have nothing against cartoony visuals and almost kiddie like character, I don't appreciate it when the game starts treating me like a child. The best example of this kind of game is Kingdom Hearts. The childish appearance is not to say the game itself mirrors that aura. Kingdom Hearts heartily presents itself with a deep and mature plot, with just as deep gameplay, with brain teasing puzzles, and complex combat. Paper Mario does not exemplify this quality. In fact, it manages to be one of the worst games ever created, but not only that it alienates every Mario fan who knew Mario as the platforming fiend he was born as.

First off, I'll get the "okay" to "meh" elements out of the way. Visually, Paper Mario (2) manages to pull off the floaty paper effect rather well. There's no complex shadowing, texturing or even renderng. Everything is a 2-D paper cut-out, with the occasional 3-D paper (origami?) model. It's a unique characteristic of the Paper Mario franchise, and it gets the effect it goes for. There's no denying that the very infantile animation style of the charaters is limited in it's appeal (to children). If there was ever a game that completely went against Nintendo's "We really are trying to appeal to everyone", this would be it. Anyone who finds this game enjoyable and is over 12 years of age should have their maturity brought into question. It would be the same as a grown adult finding great pleasure in watching repeats of the Care Bears. The paper effects of the game are short lived. Mario can roll up into a roll of paper, turn himself sideways to a paper thin profile and fold himself into a paper airplane or boat. Again, the effect is gained but it's short lived. The abilities are never used for any complex puzzle solving. Merely a means to traverse to new areas not reachable by normal means. Again, there's a lot of potential with abilities like these, but never is that potential realized let alone even considered.

To say Paper Mario is a simplified RPG would be an utter understatement. As an RPG, the game is a catastrophic failure. Is it simple? Do children pick their nose and eat it?. Mario and one of his many party members battle the koopas, goombas, and bob-ombs of the Mario universe. However Nintendo does a horrible job of creating a battle system that works. Mario and his companion deal on average 1 - 6 damage to enemies. Yes, that is absolute maximum in terms of normal hits. Apparently Nintendo thought first grade math was overly complicated for this game, so all the stats, Damage and HP counting is simplified to an almost comical (no, actually not almost) level. You start off dealing one damage to enemies with a mere 2 HP. Work your way up to dealing 6 damage to enemies with a maximum of 150 HP (?). What?! 150? Nintendo, in case you didn't know (I'm guessing you really don't with that brainless Iwata running your show) numbers do exceed 3 digits. In fact you can have upwards of 4...even 5!? Blasphemy, everyone knows more than 3 digits is far too many for the target audience of Paper Mario 2! As I digress (which I rather enjoy doing), please note that my mockery is indicative of the unsatisfying character progression. In a paltry (RPG sub-standard) 30 hour game, your character goes from having 10 to up to 60/70 HP, and dealing 1 to 6 damage...any RPG fanatic knows there are thousands of things wrong with that; most of them being the missing damage of HP Mario should be dealing. What's the explanation? There are a couple. Nintendo is a newbie in the world of RPGs. Never have they created a quality RPG, and this game is no different. The second is that Nintendo is and always will be a children's gaming company. They create games for the sole purpose of pleasing children under the guise of "We make games for Everyone". No you f*cking don't. End of story.




As I continue to digress let me iterate another point about the horrid combat system. Strategy? Have you heard of it? Good, you should collevtively email Nintendo with a link to the word "strategy" from www.dictionary.com. Apparently they didn't get the memo. Deciding to chose between jumping and using the hammer based on whether or not the enemy has a spike on it's head or encased in a plume of fire is hardly strategy. It's f*cking common sense. Your abilities are limited to the Hammer and the Shoes, jumping and smashing. Thats it. You can use "Super Jump", or "Ultra Hammer", but they're merely variations on the plain abilities with very little added effects. Your partners are no different. One thing that struck me as odd was the defense of the game. You can press A before an enemy attacks to reduce the damage, or during an attack to perform a stylish move, but there is no indication of timing. It's a common excuse to hear that "The timing is too complex for kiddies thus the game is for adults". Thats the same backwards thinking that is keeping Nintendo and it's fans in last place on a constant basis. The timing is difficult because there is no indication of when to press it. In fact, you need to purchase an item more than halfway through the game to learn the timings for the button presses. You can learn them on your own, but after a very annoying trial and error process.

Apart from the battle system, the plot and dialogue are pathetic. No, less than pathetic. It's atrocious. First the plot; the premise: Find the Crystal Stars before the "X-nauts" (because everyone knows the letter X is about as extreme and hardcore as the Japanese using 3 consonants in a row) to unlock the thousand year door. Yes my friends, that is the plot from start to finish. Snippets of Princess Peach and Bowser are added as a bogus afterthought, and really contributes nothing to the overall story telling. If there were more to say I would, but for 30 hours, you trek from bland forest to harvest moon in search of the crystal stars. Yes, 30 long grueling hours of this game's horrid combat engine and contrived plot axis. Apart from the plot, the dialogue is lame. No, beyond lame. It's insultingly childish. It would be slightly less painful were the dialogue actually humourous or jovial, but it ain't. It's broken. Not only is the game riddled with "Please don't die Koops, I love you like a lovely loving lover love" and "This guys is bad, we must fight him", the game plays on every single racial stereotype in existence. Proving while imitating and mocking the italian, russian and french accent that Nintendo is incapable of creating a good RPG, but that they're also racist! Go Go Nintendo Rangers!

With nothing to offer, and nothing worth seeing, anyone can do without this game. It's an atrocious piece of software, and it gives a bad name to the RPG genre. As a long time gamer, I'm pleading with you: never play this game. It's a gigantic wreck from start to finish and is entirely oriented around children under the age of 10. There would be nothing wrong were this a game directed at the audience it actually appeals to, but Nintendo insists this game appeals to my age group, and to no suprise, it doesn't. If there are 20-somethings out there that enjoy this game, you've either never played another game in your life, or you're mentally ill. Seek help. This game is worth nothing more than my lowest recommendation, and is about as fun as watching Orange Vs Banana.

Verdict


0.7

77 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow. You disgust me.

June 08, 2005 5:53 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Do you even have any friends?

June 08, 2005 7:23 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

JESUS that was horrible. I've never seen such a biased Sony fan like you. FFX a 9 and ToS a 5? Whoo! Mercuy scoring more than SMRPG? Damn straight!

June 08, 2005 8:15 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Are you retarded or something? Christ, your parents must have been related before they were married or something.

June 08, 2005 8:46 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bwahahahah!

You sir, fail at life.

The fact that you believed that the maximum amount of damage possible is 6 is quite hilarious.

Seppuku is your only option.

June 08, 2005 11:33 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

June 09, 2005 4:28 AM

 
Blogger Adam said...

I'm sorry you can't accept that other people see the world differently than you people do.

Also, in regards to the maximum damage, you'll notice it says "normal hits". No normal hit can exceen 6 damage. Unless you were paying attention (which I doubt you were) that is something you should haven picked up on.

(I didn't give ToS a 5 did I?)

But thanks for the comments. At least I know you care, otherwise you wouldn't comment right? Good day gentlemen.

June 09, 2005 10:35 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why does this upset you so much, exactly?

June 09, 2005 10:51 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You can press A before an enemy attacks to reduce the damage, or during an attack to perform a stylish move, but there is no indication of timing. It's a common excuse to hear that "The timing is too complex for kiddies thus the game is for adults". Thats the same backwards thinking that is keeping Nintendo and it's fans in last place on a constant basis. The timing is difficult because there is no indication of when to press it.

Excuse me, but during the whole game there is a button symbol right above Mario's damn head telling you when to push it. I guess your small brain cannot comprehend that.

You, sir, fail in life.

June 09, 2005 7:37 PM

 
Blogger Adam said...

No my ignorant friend. You are wrong. The timing for stylish moves is not indicated by a symbol above his head, nor is there an indication of when to press A (B) for the counters. These are not indicated and I suggest playing the game again (Or to begin with) to witness this for yourself. Please regrain from insults if you wish to have your comments remain posted.

June 09, 2005 10:19 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Tool.

June 10, 2005 2:44 PM

 
Blogger Adam said...

If you're going to start throwing insults around, why not start by coming out of the guise of anonymity.

June 10, 2005 4:43 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are the ignorant one. The button IS displayed when attacking. And no, the counter isn't displayed because it is more relyant on skill. You call it a child's game, yet complain that the battle system is too complex.

June 10, 2005 8:12 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I wonder if there would even be any comments if it wasnt for the retards from gamefaqs?

seriously, this is a site to express a guy's opinon. if you do not like his opinon, then you either not care or kill yourself.

actually, why don't all the nintendo fanboys and that just do that? at least then people like this guy, me and many other smart people wouldnt have to deal with retarded faggoty little kids (well, nintendo fanboys).

June 11, 2005 5:11 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

http://www.gamespot.com/gamecube/rpg/papermario2/screens.html?page=61

Now put on your glasses and look at the left side of the screen. What do YOU see? I see an icon that shows you when to press the button.
I want to say "pwned," but I don't want to look like an idiot.

June 11, 2005 10:06 AM

 
Blogger Adam said...

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but that is not a stylish attack, nor is it a guard or counter attack. You'll notice that that is all my review made mention of. If you'll please move on, this website should not be viewed by whiny, little, Nintendo loving children. Harsh language may make their ears bleed. I do believe you have been "pwned" young one, now please refrain from posting a message before you leave anymore comments.

June 11, 2005 4:28 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are a dipshit.

This game desrves a much better rating you asshole. Have you nothing better to do than to make up bullshit reviews about games that you obviously never played? Paper Mario: TTYD was not made for children. If this game was made for children, yet you find the battle system too complicated, what does that make you?

I know you are just going to delete this because you cannot handle the fact that you are wrong. You are nothing more than an ignorant piece of shit who has no life outside of coming up with idiotic theories as to why Nintendo sucks, even though you are repeatedly pwned. That is why you put this here, because you don't have to worry about the mods throwing out your shitty review. You also love being able to delete any message that you don't like, most likely because that message completely pwns yoour sorry ass.


Good day, Fucker.

June 11, 2005 5:29 PM

 
Blogger Adam said...

Re: "Lesson in vulgarity".

I'm sorry you lack the intelligence and understanding of a human being. If you admit yourself now, you may be able to find a cure for your illness...

June 11, 2005 6:19 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

There is no slow down.

June 12, 2005 7:48 AM

 
Blogger Adam said...

Yes I'm afraid there is, quite often actually. Specifically in Twilight Town.

June 12, 2005 12:28 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You must have fucked up your gamecube or game disc, because I had absolutely no slowdown in Twilight Town, or anywhere else for that matter.

June 12, 2005 2:06 PM

 
Blogger Adam said...

There is nothing wrong with my Gamecube or the disc. There is slow down. It is as concrete as...the...sidewalk.

June 12, 2005 2:55 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I played through the whole game without slowdown.

June 12, 2005 5:36 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I never noticed any slowdown, either. Your Gamecube is obviously messed up.

June 12, 2005 5:45 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That review makes baby Jesus cry.

June 12, 2005 6:56 PM

 
Blogger Adam said...

I can assure you my Gamecube is in perfect working order. It's the way games work. Occasionally slow down occurs, sometimes it doesn't. Just because you didn't experience, does not mean it's impossible nor does it mean it has not happened already. I am not making it up, so I would appreciate if you stop wasting my space with the same comments over and over. Paper Mario 2 has slow down, and thats' cold hard fact.

June 12, 2005 10:10 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Paper Mario: TTYD was not made for children"

it was made by nintendo. therfore its a kiddy game. so stop your whining kid and respect adam's opinon.

June 13, 2005 4:31 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Paper Mario: TTYD was not made for children"

it was made by nintendo. therfore its a kiddy game. so stop your whining kid and respect adam's opinon.

June 13, 2005 4:31 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"it was made by nintendo. therfore its a kiddy game. so stop your whining kid and respect adam's opinon."

That is the ignorance that we need to keep off the internet. When someone gives me solid proof that Nintendo only wants to please children, I will believe you.

June 13, 2005 9:53 AM

 
Blogger Adam said...

Need I remind you that Nintendo is the only company that smacks their mascots on toddlers clothing, and even creates baby toys with their Pokemon franchises?

June 13, 2005 4:16 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Allow me to be more specific, give me proof that only children enjoy Nintendo games.

June 13, 2005 4:18 PM

 
Blogger Adam said...

I never said they did.

June 13, 2005 5:33 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am really talking to the person above you. The one who said: "It is made by Nintendo, and therefore it is kiddy."
NOTE: I fixed the guy's grammar because I do not want such horrible grammar seen in my post. :P

June 13, 2005 7:05 PM

 
Anonymous Mega Phoenix said...

Hmm, i did reply on why nintendo is a kiddy aimed company, but it was deleted or something.

long story short, if you actually need someone to explain WHY nintendo are "kiddy", then your either not a gamer or your a retarded nintendo fanboy. its that simple.

June 14, 2005 12:27 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am not mindless.
I am not a whiny Nintendo fanboy.
So only Anti-Nintnedo fanboys can see the delusional logic that makes Nintnedo only for kids.
Good Day.

June 14, 2005 9:36 AM

 
Blogger Adam said...

If you can't see that (in general) that Nintendo's games are geared towards younger audiences, then you need to rethink your status.

June 14, 2005 10:18 AM

 
Anonymous Mega Phoenix said...

nah nintendo can't be a company aimed at kids. i mean disney is a company that provides the world with high quality acting, entertainment and deep involving storylines, so of course nintendo can't be aimed at kids.

he he. i love sarcasm. everyone i know is smart enough to see that nintendo is a company aimed more towards kids. that includes my male friends, my gf, my female friends, my family, people i hardly talk to, etc. they ALL know that nintendo is a company centered on kids and that they are "below" the competiton.

im 19 though, so i guess its more common for someone that isnt 14 to know people with intelligent mature minds. its also funny that im the only one who writes my "name", i guess everyone else is too scared to be laughed at :P

June 14, 2005 10:45 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So no hard proof?

I expected better trolling.
Nintendo is not made for kids.

June 14, 2005 3:55 PM

 
Blogger Adam said...

http://search.ebay.com/pokemon_W0QQfsopZ1QQfromZR3QQsacatZ279

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=79713&item=4738344014&rd=1&ssPageName=WDVW

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=3078&item=6777670494&rd=1&ssPageName=WDVW

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=3078&item=6777541764&rd=1&ssPageName=WDVW

Proof. That not enough? There are hundreds more where that came from.

June 14, 2005 4:14 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, so Pokémon quilts not made by Nintendo makes Nintendo kiddy?
What wonderful logic.

June 23, 2005 10:51 AM

 
Blogger Adam said...

They're franchised and owned by Nintendo copyight. They are with every respect, Nintendo's merchandise designed for children. The logic is perfectly fine. It's like saying Ford isn't responsible for faulty control panels in their cars because they're produced by third party manufacturers. They are, end of story.

June 23, 2005 11:39 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So by your logic, just because Nintendo lets another company make kid stuff with Pokémon...that means Nintendo only wants to please children?
They let other comanies use Pokémon because it makes money, and it is the other company who makes the children's toy, not Nintendo. Its not as if Nintendo is telling them to make kid stuff, it is thier choice.

June 24, 2005 5:10 PM

 
Blogger Adam said...

Actually, it is exactly Nintendo telling them to make these things, considering Nintendo holds with great security every Pokemon copyright and trademark. Every clothing, toy and soother manufacturer needs Nintendo's okay to create these things, and it is without any reluctancy that Nintendo further shows us, Pokemon IS a children's game.

Do you see Porn stars making 6 year old pajamas, or Capcom soliciting bloody chainsaws and flesh eating zombie, Resident Evil toys to 5 year olds?

June 24, 2005 11:55 PM

 
Anonymous Homer said...

auron you anti nintendo lit ass, you suck at life you canadian. i dont get why the internet allows you to be on it, you suck like no other. i hope you get b7 for being a dirty troll

July 06, 2005 6:06 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

ONMITSU ONIWABANSHU says:

Hope you are striking down in the dead of night....WITH MY SHURIKEN WHICH IS COVERED WITH POISEN, SCORPIONS, AND FIREEEEE!

July 06, 2005 6:10 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

*Looks at uncensored GCN BMX XXX version*


Yes, Nintendo is SOOOOOO KIDDY!

July 06, 2005 6:15 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can have at least a smidgen of respect for an idiot who at least BELIEVES what he says. This author does not fall into that category. If he truly agrees with his own review... it is possible to dislike this game I suppose, but I am quite certain no human could quote this review at length with a straight face.

Since it is impossible to argue with the author's armor of ignorance, and any intelligent person can see the myriad gaping holes in this review, I'll just say one more thing. 6 is by no means the maximum for a "normal attack". It is actually possible to deal around 20 damage with a mere normal attack, ignoring power-boosting skills and special attacks. A minor thing, to be sure, but it demonstrates to some degree the author's lack of credibility.

July 06, 2005 6:18 PM

 
Blogger Erik said...

While I disagree with this review, these people are taking it WAY too far.

July 06, 2005 6:35 PM

 
Blogger Adam Malcolm said...

Actually, no normal attack exceeds 6 damage. Thats inarguable. You're playing a different game if you think otherwise.

July 07, 2005 1:34 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Equip 16 Power Plus Badges and attack (you can get as many of them as you like, and equip up to 16). I believe you'll see otherwise.

July 07, 2005 7:01 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I understand that this site is your opinion only, and I respect it. However, I don't believe that "any 20 year old that enjoys this game should seek mental help." This is actually the only place I've seen this game get a bad review. Take 1up.com for instance. Now, I'm almost positive that these editors and reviewers aren't under the age of ten, and them, EGM, and GMR put together averaged out a score of an 8.9.
But then again, this is a place for you to voice your opinion, so I really shouldn't be complaining. I just felt that you were too harsh on what seems to be a great game.

July 10, 2005 1:55 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

AAA Review Auron! I'm surprised they haven't picked you as a Gamespot or IGN reviewer. All you do is tell it like it is, and that fucking Nintendrones can't handle the truth.

Keep fighting the good fight, and to all the drones, Shut The Fuck Up.

July 14, 2005 7:49 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If this game was completley unplayable, your score would be justified. However, its not.

July 24, 2005 11:57 PM

 
Blogger BlueRondo said...

"Need I remind you that Nintendo is the only company that smacks their mascots on toddlers clothing, and even creates baby toys with their Pokemon franchises?"

Hell, Phillip Morris and Joe Camel used to advertise near schools in order to "catch 'em all" while they're young. Doesn't mean their cigs are *meant* for kids, though.

McDonald's has a play area, and its commercials have all the intellectual value of the Teletubbies. But they still value their adult customers.

Nintendo's TV commercials, especially this generation, clearly target teenagers and adults. A lot of them are way too artsy/eccentric for children to even understand.

July 25, 2005 4:02 AM

 
Anonymous SoaL said...

To all the "Nintedo caters to children" people, let me say this. This game has a big nostalgia factor. Almost every joke has ties to existing nintendo franchises. No child would understand over 25% of the jokes.

"it was made by nintendo. therfore its a kiddy game. " Uneducated comments like this sicken me. Because nintendo doesn't take the "cool" approach and include nudity and blood in their games does NOT make them childish. Pokemon may be geared towards children, but that does not make them a childish company. Is the PSP childish because of Death Jr's graphics?

If a game has lighthearted graphics, is it kiddy? No.

Why is pokemon on childrens clothing and not a hooker or some gory picture? Because pokemon is suitable for kids! That doesn't make it kiddy, mind you. If it's child safe, it's not child only. Is katamari damacy a kids game because of its graphics? No.


Argueing is probaly useless, as you've already been brainwashed by the mass media. Go back to playing GTA:SA, which should be "cooler" now because of the Hot Coffee minigame.

August 03, 2005 11:20 AM

 
Blogger Adam said...

My argument was never that the game was childish because of the graphics. It's childish because the dialogue is suitable for preschoolers at best, and the battle system sucks. The plot is thin and the jokes made are not all related to a past Nintendo game. Most of the jokes are failed attempted at humour.

Pokemon is a children's series. It isn't just chidlren friendly, it's a franchise developed exclusively with children in mind. Katamari Damacy is a game designed to be quirky, with no real target audience. If anything, the target audience is people willing to try new things, which could any number of ages, sex, or races.

August 03, 2005 8:05 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow, Adam you phail at life. A game of this calibur does not deserve such a low score. A high score is debatable, but a low score is unacceptable. Do us a favor and put a bullet in your head. Thanks for telling us the game was too hard for you.

August 21, 2005 10:20 PM

 
Blogger Adam said...

I didn't realize paper airplanes counted as any kind of calibur, but thanks for the input. High scores are acceptable, but low scores are not. Fair? We'll let common sense decide rather than your ignorance.

August 22, 2005 1:55 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are a big sony fanboy aren't you... I got suspicious after reading the top stories thing but now after reading this I won't be coming back again. The person recommended this page was a fool. You are shooting your credibility in the foot.

August 29, 2005 3:46 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

thank god we don't have people like adam writing "professional" reviews for sites like ign or gamespot. he's exactly what's wrong with the industry today.

August 29, 2005 4:22 PM

 
Blogger Adam said...

Sorry fanboy, but "professional" is not synonymous with "rate all Nintendo games high", despite what your ignorant kind might think.

August 29, 2005 6:57 PM

 
Blogger masterofridley said...

Although this is purely opinion, I find it asinine. However, I do disaprove of attacking so stupidly. Using swear words to attack someone is pretty infantile in my book.
Though I find your actual review acceptable, what is with the low score? It's not like its mentally painful to play it, like Mortal Kombat for GBA. I guess you have high standards or something. Also, it would seem that you're insulting anyone who finds this game to be enjoyable. Maybe you should try to be less offensive, and you'll get flamed less. Once more for the record, I find it incredibly stupid that people feel the need to curse at someone for their opinion about a video game.

I thought I might say that Nintendo isn't really a newb to RPG's, considering the Mother series. Also, though I don't think it's quite a traditional RPG, the Fire Emblem series.

December 01, 2005 10:48 PM

 
Blogger masterofridley said...

Whoops didn't catch this entire part before:

What's the explanation? There are a couple. Nintendo is a newbie in the world of RPGs. Never have they created a quality RPG, and this game is no different. The second is that Nintendo is and always will be a children's gaming company. They create games for the sole purpose of pleasing children under the guise of "We make games for Everyone". No you f*cking don't. End of story.


...

...Wow. Now I see why people call you pompous. You didn't really need to bring a rant about the company who makes the game into the review. Nevermind that it's also ignorant and trolling as well. This might be another reason you're being flamed. Still doesn't need you to swear at it. Also, do I detect a smidgeon of bitterness.

December 01, 2005 10:56 PM

 
Blogger Adam said...

Considering Nintendo's biggest foray into conventional RPGS is Paper Mario and Fire Emblem, they're still considered newbies by the high standards set by the industry, not myself.

Also, yes I would insult anyone who enjoys PM2. It's a terrible game with no redeaming value. It's about the equivalent as anyone getting enjoyment out of Big Rigs...your tastes are questionable at best.

As for "flaming and trolling", this isn't a message board, so those terms don't apply. Suck it up and deal with it, dick.

December 02, 2005 12:36 AM

 
Blogger masterofridley said...

Adam said...

Considering Nintendo's biggest foray into conventional RPGS is Paper Mario and Fire Emblem, they're still considered newbies by the high standards set by the industry, not myself.


So 15-20 years of experience with the Fire Emblem and Mother series, not to mention pokemon and SMRPG makes them newbs to RPG's?

Also, yes I would insult anyone who enjoys PM2. It's a terrible game with no redeaming value. It's about the equivalent as anyone getting enjoyment out of Big Rigs...your tastes are questionable at best.

I didn't know that it was possible to insult people for liking something that you didn't. BTW, liking something doesn't automatically mean that you think it's great.

As for "flaming and trolling", this isn't a message board, so those terms don't apply. Suck it up and deal with it, dick.

For your information, I was saying I thought the people who were attacking you were stupid for that. And then you go around and insult me, when I was sticking up for you for the most part. I said before, I think your review was pretty good, except for your rant and the absurdly low score. Aso, you still didn't explain why you placed a rant in the middle of a review.

criticism =/= insults

December 02, 2005 4:17 PM

 
Blogger Adam said...

So 15-20 years of experience with the Fire Emblem and Mother series, not to mention pokemon and SMRPG makes them newbs to RPG's?

I do believe I said conventional RPGs, of which Nintendo has very little experience with.

December 02, 2005 5:18 PM

 
Blogger anonymous said...

lol, conventional to Adam probably means the one and only (overrated) Final Fantasy.

December 05, 2005 12:41 AM

 
Blogger Adam said...

More like modern, but close.

December 05, 2005 1:48 AM

 
Blogger Joseph Valencia said...

Don't be duped by Adam's "anti-fanboy" image, folks; he is the ultimate fanboy.

For example, when I wrote my scathing review for Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children, he told me I wasn't "qualified" to review the movie. Also, he calls people who give high scores to 360 games "Xbots".

Adam likes to attack me for not doing my research on foreign DVD releases of Advent Children, yet he sees nothing wrong with spouting ignorant statements like "Nintendo is a newbie in the world of RPGs". (News flash, dipshit: the Fire Emblem and Earthbound series date back to the days of the Famicom.)

I could talk about how shitty his review of Paper Mario 2 is, but the shoddiness speaks for itself.

(In case you didn't know, Adam, Shining Force is a famous series that also uses small numbers for damage/HP; guess that means old-school RPG fans are retards, huh?)

January 31, 2006 6:27 PM

 
Blogger Adam said...

Can't stand getting owned on your very own blog, so you gotta come here and act high and might...

New Flash Joe: Nintendo is STILL a newbie to RPGs. Creating one or two games every few decades doesn't really make you a pro, or even a slightly experienced RPG developer.

As per AC, you admitted to not watching the official movie with the official sub-titles, and wrote a review - which could also call into question whether or not you've actually seen the movie - that is worrisome at best. You can bash my PM2 review all you'd like: you'd give anything to write like I can...I've read your shit: Sub-par review fest at amateur-night.

Let's not beat around the bush; you're angry because I made you look bad in your own blog. Too bad. Try not being a TOTAL fanboy, and quite pretending like being a fanboy still grants you the same rights and privaleges of normal gamers like myself. Everything you do is under scrutiny, JUST based on the fact that you would accept oral sex from Satoru Iwata. Not to mention the fact that you might as well have your lips planted firmly on Nintendo's ass...wake up, you're a flower ranger Nintendo-boy, living in the 80's.

January 31, 2006 9:02 PM

 
Blogger Joseph Valencia said...

Nintendo has created over a dozen RPGs in the past decade. Here's a list:

9 Fire Emblems
2 Earthbounds (with one on the way)
5 Mario RPGs
Tomato Adventure

Intelligent Designs (the folks who worked on Paper Mario 2 and the Fire Emblem series) have been in the RPG business since the early 90s.

People, pay close attention to the logic he's using to discredit my AC review: this is the exact same bullshit that made him the Nutjob of the Week in GameSpot's mailbag feature! Here is a quote from an actual GameSpot editor on Adam:

"See kids? This is what happens when you don't leave your house except to buy games and purchase supplies for the bunker of antisocialism you've built in your basement."

As you can see, Adam doesn't mind leaving over 100 (I've lost count) troll comments on other people's blogs; but when someone who doesn't like him leaves just one comment on his, he calls it acting "high and might(y)".

February 01, 2006 8:18 AM

 
Blogger Joseph Valencia said...

My bad, it's Intelligent Systems.

February 01, 2006 9:56 AM

 
Blogger Adam said...

The difference here, is that Gamespot was called on a mistake they made, and instead of admit to it, they decided to deflect and pretend like I was doing something wrong. I've no problem with you posting here, I just don't think it's right to spread lies, when you're clearly doing this based on grudge, and not on journalistic discourse. There is a marked different between the two. What I do is the latter, and you the former. Please do not confuse the two, I would never want to be categorized under the same header as someone as low and pathetic as yourself.

February 01, 2006 12:34 PM

 
Blogger anonymous said...

lol, Adam's the laughingstock of the internet.

February 02, 2006 9:56 AM

 
Blogger Adam's Mother said...

Ooooh, my son. Why must you act like this? Trolling on the internet. Why do you want to make everyone's lives difficult?

I have good reason to ground you, mister. You're such a disappointment. I thought I raised you better than this! *cries*

March 01, 2006 9:34 AM

 
Blogger SomeDude said...

You truly sicken me, you know that? The story and battle system, and whatnot may be a bit simplistic, and "kiddy", as you call it, but you were far too harsh in your review. If this isn't your type of game, then it isn't your type of game. But it's just insultingly sickening to say that people who enjoy this game are ill and need mental help. Ever heard of something called an OPINION?! Hate on this game if you must, but that doesn't make the people who enjoy it retarded or anything. And if you look at the official sites that gave it all the great reviews, they had plenty of good reasons for liking the game, as do I.

Additionally, if you're going to diss this game, you could at least give constructive criticism, rather than a whole rant about how it sucks for being all "kiddy" and simplistic.

And I agree with one of the other posters here. Look, you whiny Nintendo haters, just because Nintendo isn't taking the "cool" approach by including violence and nudity in their games, doesn't suddenly mean their games can't be enjoyed. GET THE FUCK OVER YOURSELVES!


That is all.

June 13, 2006 3:05 PM

 
Blogger Richard said...

Wow, Sony fan to the max.

What's wrong, not enough guns and big muscley men to fap over, kiddie?

April 27, 2010 7:23 PM

 

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